Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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