did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
