the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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