My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
