My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
