Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
