You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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