Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize