just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
