what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
