I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize