38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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