Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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