We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
