yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
