I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
