Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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