yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
