i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
