he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize