Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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