Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
another moral hangover. fuck.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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