mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
