Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
