ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
