wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize