I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
