Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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