yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
