How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This house was built for laser tag.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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