Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
