the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
