i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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