btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
