My room smells like vodka and shame
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
