No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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