i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
