Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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