OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
