i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
