i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
How external is "for external use only"?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
