Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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