You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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