remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
