Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
