He is an equal opportunity slut.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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