wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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