i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Everything about him screamed your future.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
