I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
