oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
