It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
