Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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