She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize