I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
