I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
