I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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