this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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