I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
