his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
