I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
