Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
