i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
