Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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