Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
