you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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