Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize