mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
